“At the Table” is a series of interviews and spotlight conversations with people I admire from within and outside of the wedding industry. These conversations focus on topics related to building an intentional, relationship-first business alongside a present, connected, values-driven personal life.
Introduction:
Marlies and I were supposed to meet at our first Engage. We emailed and DM’d before the event, but between her flight delay and the size of the event, we never actually interacted. Fast forward a year, and I’m in New York for Bridal Fashion Week, on cloud nine at the Elie Saab preview, and I lock eyes with this beautiful woman across the room. It was an immediate, mutual “kindred spirit” moment—we both light up, and say, “Wait, I know you!! How do I know you?? Who are you??” And ever since, she has been a dear friend. We both have daughters named London, we both cherish deep connection with people at the core of our work, we both work to make others feel seen, known, & loved. I’m thrilled to share her wisdom here!
Follow Marlies via her website and IG.
THE INTERVIEW
→ First of all, tell me in your own words what you do for work, and why you do it?
I am a destination wedding photographer. I started because I had a camera and I wanted to make money with it while still being able to pick up my daughter from school every day.
Why do I still do it today? I come from a background of loving and working in the world of theater and live events. I love the live event and theatrical element of weddings. There are props, there are costumes, there are scripts, there is lighting, there is sound, and all of the things that you would get from live theater… except the emotions are real. And that’s why I think I’m a junkie for weddings, because I get all the elements of live theater, but with something even more—real emotions, and a little bit of unpredictability. It’s a bit more like organized chaos, because it’s not something that repeats itself night after night or weekend after weekend. Everything is its own sort of living, breathing organism.
And then of course there’s the whole legacy component that I think I’m really drawn to. Creating a piece of someone’s story is profound.
→ What does a typical day look like for you?
It depends on if it’s a travel day, a shooting day, or a motherhood day. Yesterday, for example, I did all the mom things. My daughter attends a hybrid high school, so she doesn’t go into a physical classroom every day. She is very involved in theater and had rehearsal in the afternoon, and she needed dance shoes, so I had to go get them before rehearsal. And with LA traffic, I have to keep in mind driving times and how long she’ll be at rehearsal, and if it’s worth it for me to drive home between or just set up my “car office.”
If I’m headed into a wedding weekend, I have travel prep days, and the actual travel days, time spent preparing timelines, final calls or meetings, then the actual shoot day (which is typically the full weekend), followed by sneak peek edits and more travel. Most days I’m just trying to keep my head on straight. I like to front-load a lot of stress through organization so that when I’m in the moment, the wheels keep moving smoothly.
→ In her book Dare to Lead, Brené Brown says that every person has just two core values that shape everything else that they do or believe. Do you agree with that idea? If you could boil your values down to just two, what would they be? How do those influence how you do your work & live your life?
Human connection is my biggest value, and it’s something we so easily lose sight of in today’s world. My daughter, London, and I always talk about “magic days,” those days where, when you look back on it, you think, “that was a perfect day.” Sometimes they’re planned, often they aren’t. And I’ve found that what makes a day “magical” to me is human connection. It means we’ve had some sort of connection with each other, or with the people around us. I think that in a world of social media, we so easily lose sight of the importance of human connection. I try to find ways around that.
The other day I did a social media post, and someone asked the question, “what camera did you use for this shoot?” or something like that. And I was driving, so I wasn’t going to DM her back, but it was the perfect opportunity to call her and just she picked up. So it went from a random social media comment to a human connection. If I can call, I want to call. If I can FaceTime, I want to FaceTime. If I can see someone in person and have an actual human-to-human interaction with them, then that’s going to be my number one choice. It’s one of the reasons that wedding days are particularly magical days—they’re full of human connection!
And then second, the word that I keep coming back to is excellence. I don’t mean excellence in a pretentious way, or as synonymous with hustle. I define it as how I show up as my best self. How do I find that version of myself that can have my own cup full so I can spill into other people’s cups? It’s a rooted sense of worth that says, “I have found my excellence.”
→ The British author Alain de Botton has this famous quote: “There is no such thing as work-life balance. Everything worth fighting for unbalances your life.” I tend to agree with this idea, that work-life balance is an unhelpful goal, and we should instead think about aligned values and healthy rhythms in all spheres of life. What do you think about the phrase “work-life balance?” How do keep healthy rhythms & momentum going in both work and personal spheres?
Is life balance achievable? I have not found it, personally. I think I have seasons, or a rhythm like ocean waves. Wedding season is like the swell of the wave, and then the Fall is the wave crashing, and then the water washes to shore and there’s the retraction, and that for me is January-February, when I start to regain my energy. It’s more of an “off-season,” when I get to binge-watch a show or start a new habit or lean into daily exercise. But I think balance is just the wrong word. If balance is something to be achieved, I’m terrible at it. Perhaps it is if you look at a larger timeline, you might just have to zoom out more.
I was listening to something the other day that said that the thing that all billionaires have in common is that they are obsessed with something. The first few years of my business I was definitely obsessed. I was a single mom to a six-year-old, which meant I had to be present for her as much as possible. I picked her up from school every day, we did dinner, had our activities, and then bedtime, and then my obsession could start. In that season I was working between 8:30pm and 2am, and then waking up at 7am to get up, take her to school, and do it all over again. And then on my weekends, I was assisting, carrying bags, second shooting, shooting my own stuff, whatever I could. I think you have to be in that kind of obsessive state in the beginning, where it’s all you can think about, what you want to spend every spare minute on. You have to be willing to sacrifice things. I knew sacrificing sleep was my only option because I wasn’t willing to sacrifice time with my daughter at that age.
→ Some people argue that a focus on people and a focus on profit are competing priorities, but I love talking about the ways that running a relationship-first business aids in building more profitable, sustainable businesses. What do you think about this idea? Are they competing ideas? Why or why not?
I do think that they feed off each other. But you can’t have art without your business, right? Without looking at profitability, without taking a business-minded approach, you won’t have the opportunity to make your art or to grow your relationships with people. In my life, there’s no second income, so not being profitable was never an option. The business had to be profitable because I had to support myself and my child. But I think that if you neglect relationships, people, and your art, you’re not going to have a business that’s going to be profitable anyway. So I think that they intertwine with each other and that one sort of feeds off the other.
→ What are some ways that running a people-first business has benefited you? How has it benefited others?
It goes back to that core value of human connection. That is where I get the most joy in my life. If I didn’t have it, I wouldn’t want to be in this business. It’s benefited me by giving me the dopamine I need to keep doing this job, which can be so exhausting, relentless, and never-ending. People on social media see all of the fun travel and exciting places and the beautiful people we get to photograph, but it can be a slog. There are so many days when I feel like I’m failing, I’m doing something wrong, that I’m not where I want to be. The human connection keeps me grounded.
→ Our culture and our industry is fast—trends come and go in the blink of an eye, and there’s just so much noise, especially on social media. It can be tempting to believe that the only way to stand out is to add to the noise, to follow trends, to make a bigger flash than our competitors. But what if you’re a quiet brand? I have written about the difference between Fireworks and Fireplace brands here. Would you say that your business is more of a fireworks display or a fireplace? How does that influence how you market?
Okay, I think there’s something in the middle. I do think that one or the other is at the core of your business, and I think that a fireplace is at the core of mine. That being said, I think you can have some sparklers that you bring to your fire. In your brand and in your business, you sometimes need things that are not necessarily trendy, but are what I call the “polka dot suit.” Do you know of this analogy? A suit shop doesn’t have grey and black and brown suits in their display windows. They’ll have something like a polka dot suit, something a bit more flashy or enticing, something to make your head tilt, that will spark curiosity. And you will walk into the store because you found something interesting. 99 times out of 100 you’re going to buy the boring grey or black or brown suit, but what brought you into the store was the polka dot suit.
I think there’s got to be something in the middle of this fireworks vs fireplace equivalent that is the polka dot suit. It’s fun as an artist, and smart as a business to have something to get peoples’ attention without having to use fireworks.
At Disneyland, there are people who leave when the fireworks are about to start because they find it overstimulating. But Disneyland came up with this idea to put a square of masking tape on the ground, and if you happen to step into this square, five or six employees are standing around and they will clap and cheer for you. As long as you’re standing in the square, they’re going to praise you.
Disney has the fireworks display, and they have that little square. There are lots of people who will feel a lot of emotion and are really drawn to the fireworks. But also, what does it cost to take a square to the ground? And what kind of connection does that create with their guests? But it also lights people up and makes them feel special. It’s a human connection that feels like fireworks internally.
I would rather be the square of tape on the ground than the fireworks display, but I also don’t want to be a lonely fireplace sitting there in a corner. I think my fireplace at least needs to be a wood-burning one so you have some crackle.
→ How do you stay authentic when it often feels that “fake it ‘til you make it” energy is rewarded?
Okay, maybe my answer to this will be a little bit controversial, but I do think that everybody needs a little bit of “fake it ‘til” they make it in their business at some point. When I first started out and I was eager to shoot everything, a mom at my daughter’s school was looking for an interior design photographer, and I said, “I have a camera, I can definitely do that.” That was a “fake it ‘til” you make it moment. I mean, I made sure that I shot two other interiors for free beforehand so I had practice, and I was prepared, and I was proud of what I delivered. But did I have experience before I said I could do the job? No.
Sometimes you have to have a mentality of, “I can make that happen. I don’t know how to do it, but I will figure it out. I will learn how to do it. And I will deliver.” That’s the positive side of “fake it ‘til” you make it.
The other side is just fake. Not fake it till you make it, just fake and inauthentic. I think that often comes from a place of insecurity, that people will fall into that pretension or a fake sense of authority when they don’t feel self-empowerment or self-confidence. I definitely see that in our industry. If people feel like they lack in either preparedness or professionalism, or they’re worried they’re being perceived as less than, they will overcompensate and turn into a less authentic version of themselves. I don’t think it comes from a place of malice, right? It’s just imposter syndrome.
→ What is bringing you joy in your work right now?
Shooting for myself! I went to Paris last fall and I hired a couple to let me photograph them. It was one of the best shoots I’ve had in a long time because I was able to shoot without pressure. They were there to give me what I wanted, and I had the creativity & space to play. We shot in the rain, and it was moody and romantic, and I came home so inspired.
And then during New York Bridal Fashion Week, I brought my daughter who is 16 and struggling a lot with identity and wanting to see herself as beautiful. I took time to photograph her, and when we went home and I was uploading and editing the photos for her, I got to see in real time that moment of discovering her own beauty. I think sometimes when we shoot for our clients, we don’t get to see that moment when they light up and say, “Wow, I feel really beautiful.” But to see her have this shift in real time was probably one of the highlights of my year.
→ If we were to meet here a year from now, what do you hope we would be celebrating?
I would love to be celebrating that I found the ability to use the word “no” with intention just as much as I’m using the word “yes.” 2025 was full of yeses for me. It was a year of swell. But I know that pace is not physically or mentally sustainable, so my job right now is to find external support so I can say no better.
→ Final question: what is the number one book you recommend to every creative entrepreneur?
It’s not even a business book, but The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield is something I absolutely love. The book’s a little bit cheesy, but once you start to look at the world as there are no coincidences, it makes you start to see magic in everyday life.
And then The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran is absolutely like a life changing book for me.