Your next great thing is there for the asking

Or, if you don't ask, the answer is always "no"

I’m writing this from 36,000 feet, on my flight home from Philadelphia where I spent a morning creating portraits in a beautiful, gilded-age mansion. The week before I spent an extremely brief 48 hours in Rome to photograph the launch of an incredible new collective of luxury wedding planners from around the world. A few weeks before that I was in New York to photograph Sareh Nouri’s spring bridal campaign, and on Monday I head back in NYC to photograph backstage & runway presentations for a 15+ brands during Spring Bridal Fashion Week.

While the travel can sometimes drain me, I can’t deny the gift of these opportunities. I’m sure you’ve read that quote floating around social media: “What a privilege it is to be tired by the work that you once prayed for,” and I feel that deep in my core.

The entrance hall or foyer at Lynnewood Hall in Elkins Park, PA, where I photographed my first commercial fashion campaign.

I’m frequently asked by friends & strangers, “How did that happen? How did you get that opportunity?”and my answer is multi-faceted. First of all, these doors opened because I said yes to something, as doors often do. I had opportunities to risk, to explore, to create, to collaborate, and I said “yes,” often before understanding the cost or knowing the outcome. Living in possibility is worth that risk.

But what happened before that is even more important— the opportunity to say yes to things came because I asked for them.

I started shooting New York Bridal Fashion Week because I decided to book a flight to NYC, then emailed and social media stalked a handful of brands and just… asked if I could attend their presentations. I talked with people seated near me at runway shows and asked where they were headed next, asked, “Do you mind if I join you?” I emailed every press contact that I had and asked, “Do you want to see my gallery?” And for several seasons I got press credentials because I shot on behalf of a wedding publication, because I asked, “I’m going, do you want me to get content for you?”

I started shooting commercial bridal campaigns because I asked. I’m headed to Italy in June for a 3-day wedding on Sorrento & Capri with a planner that I adore, because I asked if she needed a photographer. This Substack exists because I reached out to people I respect and asked if I could interview them!

I could go on for days about the doors that have opened because I asked. I don’t always get a yes, but if you don’t ask, the answer is always no.

Whenever I share my story, I get asked a variation of this question: “How do you do it? Where did you learn the confidence to ask?”

I’ve written before about the importance of mindset when building and running a business, and I will say that until I’m blue in the face—it is the hardest, most important work that a business owner does. And while I don’t believe in or practice manifestation, I deeply believe in the importance of managing where we put our attention and intention.

I started my business in 2008 and grew it to a safe, manageable, happy & healthy place for 12 years before the Covid pandemic nearly put me out of business. There was a moment in April of 2021 where I felt I stood at a fork in the road—I could either continue running my business as I had pre-pandemic (which I knew would be the path to early retirement), or I could do a full “gut renovation” on my business, tear it down to the studs, and rebuild it from scratch. I chose the latter.

I unlearned and then relearned everything I could about the wedding industry, my target client base, high net worth buying psychology, my own profit margins, and more. But in all of the work that I did to rebuild my business, the most important work I did was on my mindset.

I learned how to feel fear and do things anyway. I chose to “just do it scared,” and in the process learned that feelings matter, but they aren’t trustworthy. Feelings are highly susceptible to influence of all kinds, and are primarily governed by our thoughts. In other words, steering our thoughts change our feelings. So that feeling of “I’m scared” might not be based in truth or reality.

I remember one day, about 18 months into this journey of relearning and relaunching my business (which has often felt like pushing a freight train uphill on ice), in the depths of discouragement because of the high effort and slow result, I took a looked in the mirror and honestly weighed my options. Quitting was not a path I was willing to take. But the risks felt at times too heavy, too frightening, and my insecurities & imposter syndrome were screaming loudly in my ear. “What is the worst thing that could happen if I ask for this?” I thought. They might say no. That was my answer.

When I realized that my options were to a) QUIT or b) hear the word “no,” everything clicked into place for me. What is there to lose by asking? If I don’t ask, the answer is always no. And I’ll be honest, hearing “no” is not easy. It stings sometimes. More often than not, I don’t even get the privilege of a clear no, I just hear… nothing. Crickets. But to me, that has become an opportunity for possibility in the future.

The power of asking, though, is that you might hear “yes.” And a “yes” is worth the risk.